cast adrift in a sea of innumerable plans
and future ambiguities.
know what cures this
a crippling cycle
to keep moving forward
Self Portraits in Manila, Philippines
Let’s talk about the future of this humble space on the web. You may or may not find a glimpse of vulnerability too. Since writing this, it feels like I am cast adrift in a sea of innumerable plans and future ambiguities.
I am an organized and anal person. I plan my day according to a list and system that I tweak weekly or monthly for optimal efficiency. (Dry af, right?) I love taking charge of my own life and, I’m one of those people who gets anxious in the slightest hint of chaos and uncertainties.
However, these past few months, though other aspects of my life were thriving, I find one spot that’s been bugging me endlessly. This creative space. Not solely because it’s expensive to maintain a website, but rather it reflects a far deep-rooted issue that I need to address.
I’m afraid to approach this space and not be good enough. I am paralyzed by the thought of churning out mediocre content (by my own standards) and not be satisfied with it. It’s a crippling cycle and I want to escape.
Since kindergarten, I’m aware that I put way too much pressure on myself than the people around me. But I also love how I’m wired. That perpetual loop of pursuing a better version of myself by achieving certain goals that I put my mind to.
I know I created this space as my creative outlet. Just a passion project. I don’t answer to anyone but my own pursuit of creative happiness and I create what fulfills my soul be it in writing and photography. I pay no heed whether that passes as good to other people’s eyes and liking. And yet one’s own judging mind has a more debilitating effect than the voice of the crowd. It halted my creativity.
But I recognize this phase. It’s just a roadblock. I know what cures this.
To keep moving forward. To challenge my comfort zone. To be more valuable.
So that’s why I decided to turn this space into both a personal and informative site. Soon, I’ll be publishing outdoor adventure guides here to inspire people to embrace the wild and uncomfortable joy of the outdoor. Empower them to live boldly, go out on adventures and promote nature stewardship. Of course, personal musing entries would still make their way. I’ll grow with it. It’s still a personal blog after all.
But with a clearer purpose.
Hope you’re still in for the ride!